No inner peace let alone inner meditative stillness?
Whether it is anxiety, obsessive thinking patterns, obsessive compulsive disorder, too active a mind that results in sleep issues or simply the inability to quieten the mind and still it in order to experience a meditative state we all suffer to various degrees from too much thinking. The ‘ monkey mind ‘, the overly busy mind is actually the end result of holding onto too much emotional pain in the heart/ body mind.
By nature we are beings that yes, have an intellectual faculty and are gifted with mental level / logical intelligence, but if you are unable to chose when to think, focus & harness the power of your mind to problem solve or work and when through simple choice decide to just ‘switch off ‘ your thinking principle and simply. ‘be’ present, present to the beauty, magic and awe of the now moment, than you are at the mercy of the ‘ automatic aspect of the mind that you have no conscious control over.
This means that you are unconsciously driven to think, obsess, analyze, judge, go over and over in your head about the same theme, worry etc etc. It literally means unconscious pain is using your mind to occupy your awareness so as you do not have to be aware of the overwhelming emotional pain that is at the root of the automatic thinking.
This is a black and white, one plus one equals two type of equation.
All of your automatic thinking that you have no control over is the end result of deeply buried emotional trauma. Emotional trauma is literally the root of your automatic over –thinking, and through capturing the essence of the pattern of thoughts you can actually trace the thoughts back to the root itself.
If you are thinking / stressing about your relationship, you are at the mercy of the pain of Grief. The initial feelings of abandonment and separation you experienced around your mum and dad not communicating their love to you in your love language or mum and dad simply not meeting your emotional needs.
If you are thinking/ stressing about money, you are at the mercy of Fear, the survival issue and not being supported/ loved by mum and dad.
If you are having thoughts/ fantasies of confrontational communications, arguments with people in your head, you are at the mercy of initial loss of power with your mum and dad. This loss of power is behind all anger related thinking including judging and criticizing people in our heads.
Guilt and Shame issues have their own voices in the head. These are too complex to try explain in this article , but in a nutshell, they bind the other 3 emotional traumas together.
It is the trick that our defence structure uses no matter what philosophy, religion, ‘ take on life ‘ is. If you are human you unconsciously use the thinking principle to stay in ‘ active, male ‘ energy so as you do not have to surrender and sink into your ‘ passive female ‘ aspect and feel the emotional pain that is behind the actual themes of the thought patterns.
Simply put, your unconscious defence structures spare you from unresolved emotional trauma through your automatic thinking and monkey mind.
I actually feel pain for all the praising that has occurred for the ‘ intellectuals ‘ of the world. People who have been driven unconsciously to use their mind, and have become so brilliant intellectually at the expense of their heart intelligence. An intelligence that results when individual soul starts to connect with universal soul and universal wisdom and understanding grow. When this merging, this union, this true Yoga start to occur, right and wrong are looked upon equally, my way and their way become our way, when having to be right to prove how ‘smart’ and ‘great’ one is becomes obsolete as the deeper feelings of inferiority that come with the deep unconscious emotional pain stops driving people to believe that they are superior. It is only in this merging that can only happen in the heart, that judgement and making others small in the mind stops.
The mind cannot stop the mind. Just like you cannot get to know yourself through your mind.
I was so at the mercy of my head and thinking process when I was younger that at the end of high school, I could not sleep at times for a whole night, not even a minute. My mind would be so, so active. I was a thinkaholic. Hello, my name is Jaan and I am a thinkaholic. Imagine the coming clean of society of their number 1 addiction. We would not have enough treatment centers to deal with the demand. Anyway, I turned to pot, tranquilizers such as Xanax and Valium because they gave me ‘peace’. Not really, they gave me an addiction. Peace started to come in increments when I came across cathartic Breathwork. I tried other forms of Breathwork, which I will not mention out of respect, but many forms kept me in my head and in denial of my emotional pain. Some types of breathwork would let me transcend and have a ‘spiritual’ experience but not integrate deeper emotions that are so necessary to heal and integrate in order to ‘ re – enter’ the physical body properly, hence leave the realms of head tripping and spiritual escapism behind. I noticed as I thoroughly started to feel and hence deal with the pain behind my belief that I was not good enough to be loved, and that their was something wrong with me, my mind chatter died down drastically, in huge increments. I started to experience ‘ living in meditation’. I really got to appreciate that anyone can lock themselves in a room for a while and transcend and bliss out for a while, but unless they deal with their deeper emotional case what happens when they leave the room and enter the world of their boss, relationship/ marriage, life…? Bang! What ever undealt with emotional pain is their is re triggered. Same old same old ‘headspace’. If on the toner hand people challenge them selves to go into their deeper emotional pain, they will eventually transform it, not transcend it temporarily, and people will not re trigger the pain, it will simply not be their anymore. Permenant, more or less peace and a life in the meditation space. Living in meditation, not dabbIng in it.
Cathartic breathwork is the long lost Siamese twin of meditation and is the ultimate access to living in a state of meditation/ peace. It is what disciples of enlightenment have used since time immemorial to cleanse the body mind and prepare the system for divine energy downloads from their masters/ gurus. It is what is now becoming accepted as the future of psychotherapy.
Published in Innerself Newspaper